The NFL’s Biggest Losers September 10, 2009
Posted by Paul in : Uncategorized , trackback
You’ve heard the slew of NFL analysts and information men for weeks now. They grimace, ponder, and finally utter predictions on everyone’s favorite team, before the season begins. “I like Team X because they’ve demonstrated they can run the football.” “Boy, doesn’t Team Y look good at quarterback right now?” “Team Z has really nailed the football fundamentals. They will have a stout running game and a great run-stopping defense to boot.” “If things fall right for Team A, they could certainly end up 8-8, possibly even 9-7.” Have you gagged yet? At Your Sports NightCap, we were starting to throw up in our mouths. But before producing yet another pavement pizza, we thought we would prevent additional regurgitation, and approach things a little differently. In a league predicated on giving each fan hope through system-bred parity, we thought we would burst your expectation balloon before the season even kicked off. Do you think that your team has a chance to make the playoffs? We’re here to be the cold, rational blanket that will calm your pigskin fervor and ground you back in reality. Sorry, Roger Goodell. We love the league you have been shepherding over the past couple of years. But we thought we would wade through some of the football pundit speak that has been thrown around, and inject a dose of realism into the proceedings. So without further ado, let’s grab our red pen, use it like a scalpel to call out the worst teams in the National Football League.
NFC North:The former black-and-blue division is certainly very competitive. For three of its inhabitants. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon or rocket scientist to figure out which team will be left bruised up in the grouping’s cellar. The Lions look to be left purring and scratched up by season’s end. Their new highly-touted first round pick doesn’t stand to help that fate.
AFC North: Take out Pittsburgh and Baltimore, as they stand to be in an elite group, if last year’s results are any indication to this season’s performance. The two Ohio teams remain as potentials for the honor of worse in this division. With a healthier Carson Palmer and a rededicated Ochocinco, it would be a little sad to continue to see the Bengals underachieve for yet another year. With that in mind and the big secret now out of the bag at the quarterback position, watch for Cleveland to be an absolute dog in this division.
NFC West: San Francisco is on the up-and-up with a new motivational leader in Coach Singletary. The Cardinals are coming off their Super Bowl run, with some strong confidence, and their offense largely intact. Watch for Seattle to rebound with a healthy Hasselbeck and some added pieces on both sides of the ball. That leaves us with the Rams, who haven’t shown the ability to get it done in recent years, despite having some significant components in place.
AFC West: Do we really need to spend time on this one? Some might say “yes”, as we’ve got quite a few candidates for worse team in the NFL. The Broncos and Chiefs could certainly make a strong case for themselves, as of this moment. But when you’ve got players failing to report after a trade, a head coach accused of punching out one of his subordinates, and an owner bordering on football senility, you take the cake as it pertains to ineptitude and dysfunction. Look for Oakland to contend for the worst team in the entire league.
NFC East: Having long been one of the most heated divisions in professional football, don’t expect this to change this year. If you were to ask us to pick the winner of this grouping, we would have our hands full in discerning a clear winner. Thankfully for us, we’ve decided to perform the opposite exercise. In this foursome, the nation’s capital will not be well-represented. Despite his best efforts, Albert Haynesworth will not be able to take Washington on his back. The Redskins will end up being the odd men out, with the Eagles, Cowboys, and Giants all vying for both a NFC East title and a Wild Card spot.
AFC East: Known as another difficult division over the last couple of years, usually taken by the Belichick-led Patriots, this year proves to be especially interesting at the top. The Dolphins are retooled, and on an upswing after capturing the grouping last year. The Patriots are welcoming their leader Tom Brady back from injury and have a new found chip on their shoulders, having not made the post season last year despite an 11-5 record. But we could care less. We’re about seeking and picking out ineptitude. That distinction will belong to the Buffalo Bills. The team residing in Orchard Park will end up regretting their signing of Terrell Owens, as he will end up splintering the locker room, when things start to fall apart for them during the middle portion of the season.
NFC South: Part of this exercise (some would elevate it to a discipline) is trying to find the squad with the most question marks. When seeking those soft spots, one team rises to the top, in this division. A franchise that possesses an unproven 32 year-old head coach that last year was coaching the secondary, a recently-fired offensive coordinator dismissed just 10 days before the season began, and a void in leadership once held by purged veterans that include Derrick Brooks, Warrick Dunn, and Jeff Garcia…that team would certainly qualify as the choice for worst in this division. The Tampa Bay Bucs will end up embarrassing themselves, while Jon Gruden laughs away in the Monday Night Football broadcast booth.
AFC South: We’ve often thought of this foursome as a group of very capable teams. But the balance of power has certainly changed over the past few years. Indianapolis and Tennessee have remained exemplars as to how to run franchises and keeping them viable as NFL juggernauts. The Texans have remained pretty dreadful, but are showing signs of getting better. The team that takes the cake (and the collar, for the matter), here, has also had a hard time drawing a consistent crowd to its home games. The Jacksonville Jaguars have alerted the NFL that several of their games might be blacked out during this year, due to poor ticket sales. As things get uglier for them, expect fans to both flee from the stadium and thank Roger Goodell for keeping the black out rule in place. This will ensure fans won’t have to witness the train wreck the Jags will evolve into….
The Hardware: We’ve deemed it hardware because of the inherent difficulty in being this bad. The team that will end up hoisting the hardware for horrendous performance resides in Oakland. The turmoil created into the off season will seep into the regular season and prevent this talented group from playing up to their potential. The Raiders will be thoroughly committed to something quite different than what is contained in their familiar slogan. The Raider Nation will be left rooting for the league’s absolute worst team….
Comments»
Well-written and very appropriately timed piece with the NFL getting into full swing this weekend. I like that you decided to do your NFL preview in a much different format then the traditional breakdown of the NFL’s best teams. I agree with most of your choices. In the NFC North, the Lions continue to be a train wreck. Matthew Stafford will be battered and bloodied throughout the season. Them finishing last in a fairly competitive NFC North may be the most sure thing in the league this year. They will win 2-3 games, but no more. I think that Cincy will put up some prolific offensive numbers and thus will avoid the AFC North celler, thus I agree that Brady Quinn will struggle mightily in another terrible year for the Browns. The NFC West should be entertaining this season. I like the Cardinals to win the division, however I expect them to get a big push from the Seahawks. The 49ers should finish with about 7 wins, and thus the Rams will certainly finish way in last. You know how much I can’t stand Al Davis and the NFL’s worst run franchise. However, I do disagree with you about the Raiders being the worst team in the NFL. In terms of management and organization, I agree they are the worst in the league. However, the AFC West may be the most putrid division in recent NFL history. Talent-wise, I actually envision the Silver and Black finishing 2nd in the AFC West. I think the Chiefs and especially the Broncos are even worse. If I were giving the hardware to the NFL’s worst team I would be handing the moniker to either the Lions or the Broncos. I think the Lions will end up with the worst record, however Pat Bowlen has absolutely destroyed his once proud franchise in Denver. He had no succession plan in place after making the huge mistake of ousting Mike Shanahan. He then hired Josh McDaniels who seemingly has no deft touch at all in managing players and thus the team was forced to trade one of the most talented QB’s in the league (Jay Cutler) for Kyle Orton (who should only be a servicable backup in the league). The Raiders are bad, but the Broncos have fallen far and fast. They will be the worst team in the AFC West this season.
I agree with you that the Bills will round up a pretty decent AFC East. The three divisions I am most facscinated about are the NFC East, NFC South, and AFC South. These are by far the best three divsions in football in my opinion. I agree with your choices of the Redskins, Jags, and Bucs to finish last in these three highly competitive divisions. However, none of these three future last place teams are that bad. They would be very competitive in some other divisions. In the NFC East, I think the Cowboys will fade and the Giants and Eagles will compete for the NFC East title down to the final week of the season with both teams possibly getting into the postseason.
The AFC and NFC South are the two most difficult divisions to prognosticate. Many people (including Peter King and Colin Cowherd) are projecting the Houston Texans to win the AFC South. I think they will finish with 8-9 wins, but I am hard pressed to pick against Indy even without Tony Dungy. The skill position players are just too good there and I think they have another 2-3 years as the champs of that division. I think the Jags will finish last with 6-7 wins. Their window appears to have closed. In the NFC South, I really like the Saints to possibly go to the Super Bowl this year. Their offensive weaponry is unmatched, and they should have an improved defense. New Orleans, Carolina, and Atlanta will battle all season long. Look for two of those teams to make the postseason. I agree that the Bucs are the worst of that foursome despite having a lot of talent. They have too many questions at QB with Byron Leftwich starting the season and Josh Freeman not yet ready to take over the reigns.